AKC Crisis Meeting

  • Somewhere in rural Tennessee, in earlyJuly 2018 – far from the buzz of the business district of Memphis and the country music venues of Nashville – in a humble house a young man in making a Skype conference call. His eyes are tired. He is sipping cheap coffee while reaching for a box of Newport cigarettes.
    “Guys, Zak here. Jinx, can you see me and hear me well? What about you, Chef? Ok.”
    “I thought you had stopped smoking.” Said Jinx.
    “Guys” Zak gets to the point” We have some serious problems.”
    “Don’t you worry Zak!” jumps in Cynical Chef with the enthusiasm on a 12-year old schoolkid. ” If Disqus tries to shut us down, I will get the site running again on a new server with an hour. Not only that, also…”
    “Shut the hell up and listen” interrupts Zak aggressively” Disqus is not shutting us down. And that is actually part of the problem. They don’t give a fuck about us. Our website is still insignificant. We created A Geek’s Cottage to create another revenue stream. The target was to snatch the geeky costumers of Mooryoush Dalivadeh and the Return of Geeks. The guy can actually make a living from asking those idiots for donations, selling them his book and merchandise.“
    “Well, we actually stole some of his costumers” says Jinx, confidently.
    Zak becomes angry. “Really? And who did you guys bring in? The only ones coming our way were the ones who Dalivadeh banned from his website. That bearded bastard is shitting all over us. These shitposters are useless. That’s why he banned them. They are the ones who are trying to sit in your bar, make a lot of noise but don’t want to buy a drink. They never make donations, they don’t buy our merchandise. You can’t expect any growth with these shitposters. Just look at these idiots. Would you believe crappy stories about Ohio from Gnome of Peterson? Would you take “fitness advice” from BWSickness? Who else? Pem’s 378 memes every day? Ignoramus Fails’ calling everyone gay? ThumpandThrive’s inbred stupidity?. Knobhead Scamartist fake stories? These guys not only cannot supports us, they make us look embarrassing and also hijack every thread with their sheer stupidity.
    “Well, RoboticSlender’s stories can be quiet genuine and ShishkebabShishkebab’s jokes can be quiet entertaining.” Objects Chef.
    “That’s won’t be enough, I am afraid” says Zak.
    “At least we are not racist” argues Jinx.” We have L’upsetthem, a Black American student. Also, there is Buzzcock who has an Asian wife…or something like that.”
    “With all the Haiti and Detroit comments flying around…as if it wasn’t evident that those two characters were fake.” replies Zak.
    “Well, Zak” says Chef ”…we have this religious Mormon character, Tim Thompson. Religious Mormon, six kids and all that.”
    “Gimme a fucking break”. Zak gets upset “Where did you see a religious Mormon openly frequenting a site that contains obscene language and often pictures of bikini-clad women? Plus, in what part of the world a married father of six has enough time to spend half- a day shit-posting on the Internet? You couldn’t foul a Tennessee old lady with that crap.”
    “Well, we are not controversial yet. “ remarks Jinx.
    “Well, the only person who found us controversial was out friend with the K.” said Zak.
    “We tried to get him back to our site” said Chef” “we created that picture. He didn’t go for it”.
    “Oh, the picture of the aging Charles Bronson holding the “I love Haiti “ sign. Surely, that made us look like a bunch of geeky schoolkids who had a bad trip on mushrooms, watched an action movie, opened a world atlas and created this stupidity. You guys are fucking useless!” Zak raises his voice “ You couldn’t do anything to attract new users. You couldn’t do anything to create us a new revenue stream. Do you know the expenses I have? A still have a mortgage to pay off. I have to pay the fees for the special need’s school for Heather. And my current job is killing me. Last night, my wife and I had an argument again. “Zak pauses for a second then looks at Jinx and Chef”
    What about you Jinx? Would you like to go back to your delivery job? And you, Chef…did you enjoy working in KFC? You want to go back?”
    No reply from neither.
    This Skype conversation increasingly resembles a board meeting of a company that faces bankruptcy. In fact, Zak, acts like Hitler in the bunker in 1945 – arguing with his generals. Instead of realistically accepting defeat he is dreaming about the victory of the Third Reich…while the enemy troops are only 50 miles away from Berlin.
    “Guys, we need to make this site work. We need to make money”
    “Zak” says Jinx calmly” These are difficult times. I am sure even Moosh Dalivadeh is struggling a bit now.”
    “Don’t even talk to me about that bastard. The guy’ not even proper American. His father was from Irak or Iran…or something. The fucking sand-nigger is becoming rich, while us, Southern White guys can’t even make a dime. The Manosphere is fucked. This is a total injustice”
    Jinx and Chef are still silent.
    “Boys, think of something. If we don’t get some money coming in, we will need to shup up AGC by the end of this month. I am out now. I’ll talk to you later.”

  • LMAO! Nice. Talk about shitposting…it don’t get no better’n’niss!

  • You is a copycat

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